I really have been meaning to start a blog for quite some time. Every couple of days I think of another idea for a post I’d love to write, a neat piece of code I’d love to share, or a fun little whatever I think is awesome. So why haven’t I done it until now you ask? I’ve gone through a large number of rationalizations, not the least of which are:
I don’t want to maintain it.
I don’t want to design and style it.
I don’t want to waste time when I could be doing other things.
But these are just things I tell myself; little lies to keep my emotions in congruence with my actions. The real reason is far more simple: fear. I have an irrational fear of blogging.
I’m not afraid of rejection. Some people absolutely cannot stand it when others disagree with their opinion. Years of IRC and active forum usage have taught me that all opinions are controversial. Some people will hate you for no other reason than it’s in their very nature to do so.
I’m not afraid of public speaking. Blogging, in my mind, is this generation’s most common form of public speaking. But I present to groups on a regular basis, I’ve always been outspoken in academic and professional settings, and I love having open heated debates about whatever the topic du jour happens to be. I absolutely love leading the discussion and helping to drive people to new ideas or levels of understanding.
I’m not afraid of confrontation. Well in the physical sense I suppose I am, but that’s a different matter entirely. If programmers are known for anything, it’s their willingness to bikeshed incessantly about things that fundamentally do not matter. We are used to being the masters of our code and want to know something about everything. We yearn to feel important, especially amongst our peers.
Well ok, these are all lies. I’m human; it’s in my very nature to avoid sources of discomfort. But in reality, they pale in comparison to the most terrifying possibility of all: loneliness. What if I spend all this time pouring out my heart, only to be met with no audience at all. No hate mail, no dissent, no nothing. My words are just quiety ignored and swallowed into the infinite abyss of the Internet.
So I’ve made a decision: I’m writing these words for me. I’m writing them because I want to be a better writer. I’m writing them because I want to be better at expressing and communicating my thoughts and ideas. I’m writing them because my ideas matter. I’m writing them because I matter. I’m writing this because I want to contribute to the narrative of our generation.
The thoughts and ideas contained within this blog are a part of me. They are a small glimpse into my reality – my human experience.
This is my narrative, allow me to share it with you.